"I'm losing you"

Life is tough, and we all know that. We also all know that everyone needs a person or two that they can trust to always be there for them, and when you're a kid, 9 out of 10 times it's not a family member. That's my case, but it's not my point.

My two "go-to people" are my best friend, Andrew, and my music teacher, who I won't name, just in case. Andrew is like, the best, and that's probably why I have a "thing" for him, if you catch my drift. He's just the greatest ever, I can't even begin to describe. Unfortunately, he doesn't think of me in the way I think of him. Well, he might, but he says that he doesn't want that kind of thing with anyone right now, so I do have a sliver of hope. But he really is the best.

My music teacher is also amazing. She's the best teacher ever, no contest. Again, I can't even begin to describe her level of greatness.

But as of today, there's exactly three months left in the school year. Three months left with these two people who keep me as grounded as possible. I'll go on to my high school, Andrew will go to his, and my teacher will stay in middle school. There's so many things I want to tell Andrew, and just can't. It's not fair to him right now to tell him. And I feel like I'm losing my teacher. She and I used to connect so well, and lately, it's just not there. Maybe it's because we've got a show and a competition coming up. That's probably a pretty large part of it. But I feel like I've changed. I've always had trouble paying attention, and have shown pretty much all the signs of attention-deficit disorder, but lately it seems like it's gotten worse. I just can't focus on anything anymore, and I..... I can't even describe the way I "go off." It's almost kind of frightening.

Bottom line is, I'm about to lose these people and I don't feel like I'm taking full advantage of my time left with them. But I don't know how I can. Andrew told me just a few days ago that he really doesn't want someone of that significance right now, and my teacher is just so busy right now I can't talk to her.

I guess all I can do is wait. Wait for Andrew to come around, if he ever does, or just until the 8th grade formal. I just have to hope he will go with me, as in go with me "that way." And in my teacher's case, I guess I just have to wait for the show to pass, as with the competition.

Ugh, waiting. Something I'm not good at.

The Thirteenth Year

Well, tomorrow's my birthday, so it's time for my year in review.

This year was, like my cousin said it would be, pretty much shit. Yeah, things could have gone a lot worse, but in comparison to the rest of my life, it pretty much sucked. Not gonna go into detail, but being a thirteen year old girl pretty much just sucks. But some good things did happen, like -

a) I made a really really good friend-for-life kind of friend.

b) I got a Les Paul ^_^

c) I discovered my favorite movie, Across the Universe.

d) I ..... well ...... I fell in love ....... with that best-friend-for-life.

e) I went on the best field trip of my life to NYC with my school.

f) I started the 8th grade.

g) I survived the 7th grade.

h) I made a bunch of other new friends.

i) I rediscovered the Beatles.

So that's a pretty decent list off the top of my head. I mean, the year wasn't TOTAL shit, but it kinda was. I mean, some of that stuff is pretty insignificant as far as life goes. But, still. I dunno. I'm not like crying all "oh my life sucks blah blah blah." And believe it or not, some of that stuff is more significant than it might seem, like b and i. The Les Paul is a really big step in my 8 years of playing guitar (yep, I got my first guitar when I was six. I learned a few chords for the first three years, and started taking lessons at nine.) And I loved the Beatles from as young as I can remember until I was about eight or nine, and kinda forgot them. But one of the music shows I was in at school "re-opened my ears" to them, and now they really inspire me. I've become a much better songwriter and developed a better overall ear for music since I started listening to them again.

So, as compared to the rest of my life, I would give 13 2.5 out of 5 stars, maybe 3. Could be worse, eh?

Happy Fucking Holidays

"It's the most wonderful time of the year." Psh, yeah right. This year the Christmas season (NOT THE HOLIDAY SEASON - WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOU "HAPPY HOLIDAYS" THEY JUST MEAN MERRY CHRISTMAS") has really been pissing me off. I dunno why, it just has. Maybe it's because it's supposed to be "yay it's my birthday" time. Y'know, the two weeks before your birthday where you can be all excited and people are thinking "oh, it's Naomi's birthday next Friday" and then they remember it's your birthday on your actual freaking birthday. Yeah, since MINE is the day after Christmas, people are so focused on that stupid materialistic holiday that they can't give me my one day.

This probably sounds freaking selfish, but isn't your birthday supposed to be the day where y'know, it's *kinda* all about you? Like, the rest of the year you're a nobody, but you get one day where you're someone. Everyone gets a day like that, and I feel like I don't.

Yeah, it's probably worse for the people who have their birthdays actually ON Christmas, but still. This runs a pretty damn close second.

Or maybe it's that I'm a Jew, and this time of the year you really feel left out. And NO, HANUKKAH IS NOT A FUCKING JEWISH CHRISTMAS. It's WAY smaller. And we still do religious stuff, like say prayers. Shopping isn't the main part of the holiday. (I have nothing wrong with giving presents on Christmas, but when that's now the main thing of it, I get pissed. I've heard ONE non-"holiday" commercial on the radio since the 14th, and it was for McDonalds. MCDONALDS!!)

And then what about Hindus and Muslims? They got NOTHIN' this time of year. And they have to put up will all this shit. Or Christians who want to remotely celebrate the holiday, but can't afford to buy one present even.

So, yeah, I don't have it as bad. But I still have the right to be angry.

That's the good or the bad part about me. I get angry for other people. When I see someone taking crap they shouldn't have to, I get angry like I would if I were them. And that seems like it would be nice, because then you think you're a good person and shit 'cause you care about people, but it can get you angry for no reason or into trouble. But I won't get into that.

Look, if you're actually still reading this, or if anyone read it to begin with, think about saying "Happy New Year" next time you want to add something along those lines into your goodbye. Because that applies to all of America (I know there's the Chinese New Year and the Jewish New Year and stuff, but America runs on the Christian calendar as a standard.) If you're talking to someone outside the US, just don't use it.

And there's no obligation to use it here either! Just say "have a good day" or something! OR JUST SAY GOODBYE. IT'S FINE.

Powerless

Have you ever felt completely powerless? Like there's nothing you can do to change the matter, whatever that matter may be: the election, family problems, or the worst of all: sickness. When someone you care about so so much is sick.... and there's nothing you can do to make them get better. People always say "well, letting them know you care always makes them feel better." Yeah, that may be true, but that's not going to get rid of the illness attacking them.

My music teacher, who everyone loves, had an allergy attack yesterday during school. It was to the sinus infection medicine some *apparently* dipshit doctor prescribed her. They had to take her to the hospital during school. Her dad, a professional musician, was in town, and since she was in the nurses' office "not feeling well," he was working with our class. The nurse was coming in about every ten minutes and whispering something in his ear, and every time he looked more and more distressed. Then one time she came in and said "I need to talk to you outside." He went outside, came back in after a few moments, said "I have to go" and left. Left a class of 50 12- and 13-year-olds wondering what was happening to their beloved music teacher.

The bell rang about five minutes later, and I went to the nurses' office to ask what had happened. That's when I found out about her allergic reaction. She told me that they'd brought her to Montgomery General, and that she was going to be fine. But they have to tell me that. They don't want to worry a little kid. Of course, I was worried! They brought her to the hospital. You don't bring someone to the hospital for nothing.

That was yesterday.

Today we found out that she was in fact home and (relatively) OK. But I was still worried. So I sent her a text message, not caring if I had to pay my parents for the conversation. I sent her a message asking if she was OK, and when she was coming back, and of course, telling her we all missed her.

But that was all I could do.

Send a text message.

A little piece of wording via cell phone.

And that's how you feel powerless

Some Justice....Finally

So after all that.... all the stress, all the arguments, the debates, the commercials.... it's OVER. And America isn't as dumb as I thought it was. For once, the majority of people put their stupid racist thoughts aside and picked someone who will not only live through their whole term, but that's smart. And even if the editors of South Park think that Obama and McCain and the VPs and Michelle are were in cahoots to steal the Hope Diamond, we won't have Palin either way.

Still think Palin is fine? Go to http://www.palinaspresident.us/never/index.html and take a look around. Click on anything, and she'll give you her thoughts on it. Like the *empty* certificate frames. Or click on the globe, or maybe the closet door a couple of times. You'll catch on.

And if you still think that she and McCain were a better choice, then whatever. Obama won, and that's it.

Finally, one less thing is wrong with the world.

What's wrong with America

Ok, well, a LOT of things are wrong with America, but one of them is the way they treat kids.

Think about it; for one thing, we can't vote, and a good amount of thirteen year olds are better educated than another good amount of voters.

And people always say that everyone can make a difference, but it seems like you can only make a difference if you're older than 18. I know you hear stories about these "incredible kids" who "make a difference in the world," but those kids always have access to all these different things. Being just a normal kid means no power, no ability to make a difference.

America is supposed to be this place of "opportunity." Psh. Tell that to all the adults in the world.

The New MacBooks Aren't WHITE???

I know this is gonna sound pretty dorky, but I still can't believe it! Apple's signature thing used to be the "polycarbonate white/black shell" on all their stuff, and now, look: the iMac became silver, the MacBook Pro became silver, the MacBook Air all the new iPods are aluminum and silver/black/colored, and now even the MacBook is silver and black.

It's not a big deal, but I think Apple's kinda giving up their identity :(