Happy Jew Year: Part 1

Well, as of tonight at sundown, the year 5769 began, according to the Jewish Calendar. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, the calendar the is most commonly followed nowadays is the Christian calendar, since it kinda revolves around the birth of Jesus. Before him, though, everyone followed this calendar, so when the newfound Christians were saying it was the year 1, everyone else was saying "No, it's 3761!"

Anyway, for those of you who are like "Oh, I love holidays; this must be so much fun!" ...Think again. It's one of the top 10 most boring days in a Jewish kid's life. You sit in services for about four hours, and then you come home and you can't do anything. Then you go to your relative's house and sit around doing nothing there while your parents and aunts and uncles talk for forever, along with all your cousins, who are all grown up and in college if not beyond, so you've got no one to even hang out with. Then, there's the one good part: the food. If there's one good thing that happens on the New Year, it's the feast that your aunt prepares. Matzo ball soup, turkey, your grandma's amazing noodle kugel (if you don't know what that is, look it up), and of course, the meatballs-and-rice dish that she only makes once a year. Ah, the food is great...

Then you're so full that you just want to go home and sleep, but no! That would make too much sense! Instead, you are stuck at your aunt's house with nothing to do for another hour and a half. By the time you finally leave you feel like you're gonna puke, but you somehow make it home ok. By that time it's 10 o' clock and the day is shot.

Then, the next morning, guess what? YOU GET TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!! Who wants to be at school with your friends and jeans and the English language when you can be stuck in services for yet ANOTHER rousing four hours of non-stop Hebrew and sitting all dressed up?

So before you go up to a kid and say, "Oh, you're so lucky you get to miss a day of school for a holiday," think about what they'll be doing: you might change your mind.